What was the internal state of Balasaheb Deo that led him to stop trying to read the Dnyaneshwari on his own?

Balasaheb Deo's internal state was one of distress and frustration, as described in Chapter 41. Despite a strong will to read the Dnyaneshwari, his efforts were consistently thwarted. He felt his reading remained superficial because doubts would cloud his heart whenever he tried, preventing a deeper connection or love for the text from developing. This was in stark contrast to his ability to read other books with regularity. Even his scaled-down resolution to read just five verses daily did not happen with the necessary "regularity and enthusiasm." This ongoing failure led him to conclude that he could not succeed by his own hand, causing him to surrender the effort entirely and wait for an external, divine command from Sai Baba to begin.