What personal struggles does the author describe in Chapter 49 regarding the process of writing about Sai Baba?

In Chapter 49, the author reflects on the profound challenge of capturing the Sadguru's essence in words. The author acknowledges that Sai's Leela is "inexpressible" and that speech is inadequate to describe the "inconceivable art of the Unfathomable." The text mentions that even higher forms of speech like Para, Pashyanti, and Madhyama fail, let alone the spoken word (Vaikhari). Despite this recognition of limitation and the belief that silence is the best praise, the author's mind "does not remain still," compelled by Sai's qualities to complete the book through what is described as Sai's own grace.