What is the author's internal conflict regarding writing about Sai Baba, as described at the start of Chapter 49?

In Chapter 49, the author expresses a profound internal conflict. On one hand, he believes that maintaining silence is the real and most appropriate praise for the Sadguru, whose greatness is so vast that even the Vedas and Puranas grew weary. On the other hand, he finds that each quality and leela of Sai is like a sweet delicacy that makes him forget his resolve for silence. He feels compelled to share this bliss with other listeners, comparing the process to a feast that loses its sweetness if not shared with friends. This tension between the inadequacy of words and the overwhelming desire to share Sai's glory drives the author to continue writing.